Put it in the foyer. Right away, sir.
My God! Your finger!
You all right? You okay?
Grab a towel. Quick.
Michael, you all right? My finger!
My God.
Wilford.
Quit messing around.
My guests will be here any minute,
and I need you out front.
Yes, Miss Cartier.
Sorry, Wilford. I'm just having a little fun.
Good one on me, sir.
Mikey.
Nice.
Uh...
Mr. Cartier made me do it.
Quite.
I'm so glad you could make it.
I mean, I know this isn't your thing.
Oh, what, and miss my opportunity to create another masterpiece?
It's a hell of a tux, Ryan.
You sure do know how to pull off the starving artist look.
I kind of like the starving artist look.
- Thank you. - Mm-hmm.
I am so sorry we're late.
Did we miss the test?
No. We're still waiting on Her Highness.
We spend half our life waiting for her.
And you've spent half your life spewing bullshit, Peter.
Hello, Desiree. It's lovely to see you.
Peter's a politician in training.
What more can you expect from that shit-eating grin?
Thanks, Blaine.
Here you go, sweetie.
So have you, uh, sampled the main course yet?
Well, it looks amazing,
but I'm saving my appetite for something else.
We still on for polo on Saturday?
- Have I ever missed a match? - You have not.
Ah, ah, ah.
You don't toast yourself, sweetie. We toast you.
At each one of our coming-out parties
where us sweet, young, innocent girls
are introduced into polite society,
we've all taken a moment beforehand
to gather together before the other--
Old fucks.
other guests arrive
to toast our guest of honor,
celebrate our friendships,
and welcome our newest addition.
Don't be a lender or a borrower.
Peter.
Thank you, Barbie.
As I was saying, Torrance,
we are so proud to host your debutante ball
and welcome you into our circle.
Which I think you'll find will change your life forever.
May God help you as the devil leads the way.
- Cheers. Cheers.
What's so funny?
What happened to your mouth?
April Fool's.
- What are you laughing at? - Peter, try to keep up, okay?
- Jesus. She got you.
Yeah, it's hilarious.
Don't worry, sweetie.
Since it's your special night,
you'll be exempt from being pranked.
Maybe.
Oh.
Torrance, there is no one
more deserving of this honor than--
- Fuck. Can we do that again? - Yeah. Ready when you are.
As sponsor of your debut, it is my honor
to welcome you into our elite society.
Congratulations, Torrance.
You deserve it.
Ooh, I'll take one more of those where that came from.
Thank you, sir.
Hey, Charles, any well wishes for the new debutante?
Yes, Torrance.
In the popularity race,
rehab rumors might get you to the finish line,
but nothing secures victory better
than a good old-fashioned sex scandal.
Isn't that right, Elty-pooh?
Perfect.
Also, uh-- - Thanks, Charles.
Hey, guys,
we're making a video for Torrance.
- Do you have any advice? - Yes, I do. Yes, I do.
Here you go.
Here you go. Hold that. All right.
Okay? On me.
Torrance, my dear,
my wife and I would like to extend
our hearty congratulations on your coming-out party
and wish you well
with all your future endea--
Ah.
How about you, Miss Carolina?
Torrance, honey, I'm honored
to call you my friend,
and I look forward to sharing many happy years together.
Great.
Very sincere.
Oh, yeah. Um...
Marry rich and don't get fat.
Endeavors. Future endeavors.
Ryan, glad to see you're living the dream.
- Guy thinks he's Hitchcock. - Who?
I happen to be working tonight, asshole.
Some people have to earn a living.
Yeah. I earn interest.
You know what? take a close-up of Katie here.
- Chloe. - Whatever.
Isn't she beautiful?
How many times do I have to tell you?
Champagne, then hors d'oeuvres.
- Jesus. - Sorry.
Des.
Have you seen Milan?
I think she just walked in.
Milan.
Wow. You look divine.
You look stunning as always.
Thank you.
Just threw myself together.
You know, this is all looking very familiar.
Well, it's not nearly as beautiful as your ball.
But we did miss having you here for the pre-party toast.
Well, I've been working so much with my charities,
I haven't had time for as much socializing or traditions.
Admirable.
So are you still working with those...retarded--
Developmentally disabled children?
Yes.
- Hmm. - They're so adorable.
You know, helping others is incredibly rewarding.
Hmm.
Envy is an ugly shade for you, Desiree.
I don't know the meaning of the word.
Oh, and for the record,
I don't partake in the type of exploits
that make Milan Hastings so popular with the boys.
You know, as someone who writes gossip for a living,
I should would appreciate any light you can shed on these...
cries for attention.
- Well... - Hmm?
let's just say someone had to stock up on her penicillin.
Milan Hastings.
Goody two-shoes and village bicycle.
- Hmm. - What, you didn't know?
Feel free to use that for your website.
You know, how do I know
you're not up to another one of your little tricks?
Hmm?
Contrary to popular opinion,
I actually do try to verify my sources.
Suit yourself.
Oh, Desiree.
Gossip has a poison for which there is no antidote.
Excuse me, young man.
Elty's getting a little sleepy.
Would you mind taking him to the Woodland room for me?
Tuck him in. Make yourself a drink.
Bye, Elty. It's okay, baby. Yeah.
He's a nice young man.
So there we were in the Alaskan tundra
on a hunting trip.
My father gave me that knife after my first kill.
See that gun?
This was my next kill.
The animal never knew what hit it.
Excuse us.
Blaine.
You still on for later tonight with Milan?
As long as you quit pestering me
about that stupid SL-550,
then yes.
It's not fair.
Why should you get to decide how I spend my money?
Because that's what father stated in our trust.
Besides, you have a perfectly fine automobile.
My car is an eyesore.
It's a 2007, Desiree.
You don't need a new Mercedes every year.
Fine. Whatever.
Just stick to the plan, all right?
I'm counting on you.
Well, it shouldn't be too difficult.
She's been begging for it for years.
Ladies and gentlemen,
please allow me the honor of presenting
at her official debut,
Miss Torrance Caldwell.
She will be escorted by her father,
Mr. Lawrence Caldwell III.
You know, if this wasn't a front for another one of your pranks,
Mom and Dad would have been so proud.
Thanks.
Ladies and gentlemen,
the future leader of your children.
Brian. Brian, come here.
It's Ryan.
- Brian, come here. - It's Ryan.
I'm gonna tell you something I am not gonna tell you.
Before I devoted myself and sacrificed myself
to getting votes and being loved by everyone
and helping people
with their hearts and souls,
I wanted to be a bartender like the Jerry Maguire
in the Cocktail.
# I'm on a beach and I'm doing my thing #
Will you excuse me?
# I'm on the--# I'm a badass.
Oh, my--
Peter, people are watching.
Ryan, stop. Ryan--
Hey, if that ends up on the Inter-web,
I will have you raped by a wizard.
Glass of champagne.
Yeah. And that is a promise, not a threat.
Yeah? What it's worth to you, Peter?
Everything you got, effer.
Oh. Okay.
Hey, Barbie.
Milan, it's so nice to see you.
You haven't been around much lately.
You wouldn't believe how much work
the Gifted Child Foundation is.
Really?
I can't believe my mother started it single-handedly.
Yes.
Oh, and congratulations
on that whole Miss Carolina thing.
What an honor.
You know, I didn't even realize
they let married ladies compete.
Well, we had just gotten engaged,
so I was still eligible.
Oh. Hello, Peter.
How have you been?
Running the Senate yet?
A campaign's like a well-oiled machine.
Campaign machine.
Politics.
I think it's time to go.
Ryan, how are you?
Good. How are you?
Good. So how's the whole movie thing been going?
It's, um...
It's...
I'm sorry. I just haven't seen you since--
Well...
Torrance. Torrance.
Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.
It's okay. I'm a little distracted tonight.
- It's a big night. - Yeah.
Did I tell you I got an agent?
Guess those acting classes paid off.
Everything's happening so quickly.
Hmm.
You know, this whole scene can be pretty overwhelming.
Just do yourself a favor.
Don't lose yourself in their world.
What do you mean?
I mean, we've all been very fortunate.
But most of them use their wealth and privilege
only to benefit themselves.
They have everything they want,
yet they'd do anything for a little more.
I don't know.
I guess what I'm trying to say is just be careful.
Boo.
Obsess much?
Tan much?
She is beautiful.
When are you gonna get the nerve and ask her out?
- Who's that, Milan? - Mm-hmm.
We're just old friends. It'd be weird.
Yeah. Right.
Charles, why don't you jump in the pool with the girls?
Well, first of all,
they're not playing with the right equipment.
And secondly, you know I can't swim.
Oh, my. You'll have to pardon me.
Charles just found his dessert for the evening.
Yoo-hoo! Young man, may I have a word with you?
- Hey, you. - Hey.
That looks good.
Here you are.
I guess this is why I rarely attend these things.
Ah, they're just blowing off steam.
From what?
Deciding whether to summer in the vineyard or Lake Como?
I'm sorry.
I just don't feel I'm part of this world anymore.
Well, that's too bad,
'cause I would love a little of you in my world.
Blaine, you never let up.
You know, I'm not one of your little debu-tarts.
You know, I was planning
on laying it on pretty thick tonight,
but I have just been myself around you.
Really?
Yeah. I don't know what it is.
I'm comfortable with you.
I don't have to pull any tricks, you know.
You're too smart for that.
Oh, the champagne's hitting me pretty hard.
Here.
You all right?
Yeah. I'm fine.
Oh. Ah. Oh. Ah.
Um, why don't--
why don't we get you some water?
Come on.
Here. Watch yourself.
Right this way.
Let me get you that water. Be right back.
There you go.
- Thanks. - Absolutely.
Here. I got it.
What kind of girl do you think I am?
Huh?
I, uh...I think I have an idea.
What's that? What's that?
There we go.
Once this hits the Internet, Milan is finished.
Hey!
Shh.
- Shh. - Sorry.
I'll be goddamned. It's a wooden door.
It's hardwood.
Pine.
Oh, gorgeous.
I'm gonna get something in the bathroom.
Okay.
What are you guys doing?
Des, why do you have my camera?
I'm just borrowing it.
But you don't wanna see this.
What the fuck's going on?
Oh!
- So, did you miss me? - Hold on a second.
Geez, Milan, I've been wanting this for a long time.
Are you all right?
I can't. I just don't--
I don't feel right.
What's wrong? What's the matter?
I just don't feel right.
What are you guys doing? This isn't funny.
April Fool's Day, bitch.
Hey, what's wrong? Hey, hey.
What's the matter?
You all right?
She's falling back. Get her! Hey!
- Milan! - Oh, Milan!
Milan, get up, please.
Milan, please get up.
Please, get up.
Please get up.
Call somebody.
Oh, my God.
Milan, wake up. Wake up.
What have you guys done?
The terms of the trust clearly delineate
that any outwards and evident citations
of questionable character
and/or any illegal activity
are grounds for removal.
In light of the inquiry into the death of Milan Hastings
and with the more recent allegations
of sexual misconduct involving Mr. Cartier,
I have no choice
but to revoke his responsibilities
as executor of the Cartier estate
and hereby designate Desiree Cartier
primary beneficiary in control of the family trust.
On today's edition of Susan Moyer,
we are headed to the South
where an April Fool's Day prank turns tragic.
Now, this case has been dragging on for months.
And joining us now via satellite
is WDZB of the Carolinas reporter Seaton Motley.
- Seaton. - Hey, Susan.
Hello, Seaton. So this started
as just your run-of-the-mill debutante ball?
- Is that right? - Well, no, not exactly.
It was hosted by the city's elite Cartier family.
Oh, the Kennedys of the Carolinas, right?
Yeah.
- But someone died. - Yeah.
Died. At a ball?
This was supposed to celebrate
someone coming out, not going out.
Well, what came out at the hearing
is that it was all supposed to be a prank,
but obviously it turned out horribly wrong.
Yeah. Very wrong.
Now, viewers, what you are about to see
is not for the faint of heart.
Hey, hey, hey.
She's falling back. Get her! Milan!
Oh, Milan! Milan!
Toxicology reports show that the socialite died
from an adverse reaction of a drug.
I believe it was a roofie. Is that right, Seaton?
That's correct.
Now, here we have this rich kid, Blaine Cartier.
He has got a history of sexual misconduct,
and no one is raising red flags here?
Alleged sexual misconduct. Let's be fair.
These debutantes started coming out of the woodwork
after the story broke.
So they could be riding the media bandwagon
for all we know.
That may be so.
Also joining us today
is gossip columnist and blog king,
Charles Lansford.
- Hello, Susan. - Hello, Charles.
So you not only report on the elite,
you're a member of the inner circle as well.
Matter of fact, you just finished writing a book
in a record amount of time, I might add,
regarding this particular case.
- Is that right? - Thank you. Yes, I have.
And my book is titled,
"Lifestyles of the Rich and Deadly"
and will be available in stores across the nation
on July 8.
Well, from what I've been told,
you were actually considered a co-conspirator in this case.
Actually, the media misconstrued that.
Here's what I'm trying to figure out
is exactly what what went wrong that night.
What started out trying to catch a couple of kids--
pardon the expression-- with their pants down
ended up with this young woman falling to her death.
The Cartiers were trying to embarrass Milan Hastings
for quite some time.
You see, Desiree Cartier had a longstanding rivalry with her.
Susan, I wanna add one more thing, too.
This is not the first time that one of the Cartier's stunts
has landed them in hot water.
We have to take a quick commercial break.
When we come back,
more on the Cartiers' son and his dalliances.
Don't feel bad, Blaine.
It happens to a lot of guys.
I've had a lot on my mind lately.
Elton.
Elton!
Elty!
Elton!
Come on, smoochy-bear.
Elton?
Elton.
Elton!
Elty!
Elton.
Elty.
Elton!
Oh, God.
Elty! Elty!
Swim.
Swim, Elty. Come on, boy.
Elty.
Oh, God!
What the fuck?
Miss Cartier.
Jesus.
So sorry, Miss Cartier. I didn't mean to frighten you.
It's fine, Wilford.
I'm just...having a rough morning, that's all.
I found this at the door earlier this morning.
Thank you.
Do you know where Blaine is?
I believe he spent the night downtown
at the Cartier suite.
Is everything all right?
Yeah. Yeah, everything's fine, thank you.
What up? It's Blaine.
Leave a message if you want. I could care less.
Hey.
Shit. I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry. - Watch it, bitch.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
What is your problem?
Go away.
Yeah. I don't need anything. Come back later.
Open the fucking door, Blaine.
It's so dark in here.
So I get this this morning.
I don't know what it is.
I wouldn't worry about it.
I'm sure it's just somebody trying to screw with you.
Yeah? Then they're trying to screw with you, too.
How do they know I'm staying here?
I don't know. What, you think it's a joke?
Well, I don't know, Des. You tell me.
You're the expert, right?
Oh, come on.
Well, considering your track record,
I don't think it's that far off from the truth.
I've spent the past year
regretting what happened to Milan,
but it was an accident.
And I've finally come to terms with that.
What if someone has something on us, Des?
I can't go through another hearing.
They don't. We didn't kill Milan.
Look, I say we just go to the gravesite
and see what they want.
Hey.
How are you?
I'm okay.
I never really got a chance to say good-bye
to her, you know?
Yeah.
Me neither.
How are you?
Okay.
It still haunts me, you know?
You didn't really have anything to do with it.
It still happened at my debut.
It's all bullshit.
They don't even care that she's dead.
They just care about their reputations.
Hey, you guys.
Hey. Hey.
You guys get the invitation, too?
Is it just us four?
Guess not.
Well, just like old times.
Blaine.
Peter.
It's good to see you.
Desiree. I'm assuming we're here because of you,
ringleader.
Don't start with me, Peter.
Well, it looks like there's no big surprises
around the corner, so if you'll excuse us.
Hold on a sec.
You guys expecting a package?
Who's it from?
- M. Hastings. - What?
Can I get someone to sign for it?
I'll do it.
Okay. Thank you.
"Dear friends,
"a year has passed since my tragic death.
"I was hoping one of you, for once,
accept responsibility."
- What else? - "But you didn't.
"I know which one of you is responsible.
"The question is, are you capable of admitting it?
"If my murderer doesn't come forward,
"then each and every one of you will die
"throughout the course of this April Fool's Day.
"If you go to the police, you will die.
"And if you think this is some sort of prank,
"please see the enclosed.
All my love. Milan."
Desiree, if this is another one of your stupid pranks--
You think I would joke about something like this?
Well, what the hell's going on?
What's that?
The enclosed.
It's Charles.
- What is this, a joke? Help!
Go figure. The guy who made a fortune off our miseries
is back for more.
What the fuck?
He can't swim.
Oh, my God.
What the fuck is that?
You know what? I'm not buying it.
Is this his idea of a joke?
So, everybody, it's been great catching up,
but Barbie and I simply don't have time
for this kind of stuff anymore, so afternoon.
Peter--
Peter. Peter, come on, man. Hey!
We should just call the cops.
And have everyone laugh at us
for one of Charles' dumbass pranks?
I don't think so. I say we go to his house.
What? No. It's not safe.
Des, please. The guy's just fucking with us.
Let's go.
Thank you.
Let's try around back.
Charles.
Oh, my God.
Wait.
It's okay.
Give me your hand. Give me your hand.
Desiree, it's okay. Just calm down.
Torrance, get her out of here.
We need to call the cops.
You guys all right?
I had to grab the dog. I couldn't leave him.
Charles is dead.
No shit.
Look, I say we just--
we just need to gather our senses here and--
If the person who killed Milan doesn't come forward,
then any one of us could be next.
Ryan, slow down, all right?
Who's to say any of us killed her?
And whoever this is could be bluffing or crazy
or they could have even killed Milan.
We need to call the cops.
I don't know about you, but if I get implicated
in another fucking murder in this town, I'm fucking finished.
Don't talk to her like that.
Sounds to me like you're the one who's hiding something, Blaine.
I don't have anything to hide.
I was with all you guys at the damn cemetery.
Not last night you weren't.
And the video was obviously made at night.
I was in my suite last night, all night, with Sara.
- You can ask her. - Is that true?
Tell him, Des.
Well, you were alone when I showed up at your hotel.
Fine. Where were you last night?
I was at home.
Any of the servants can verify that.
Can they?
Yes, they can. And where were you, Ryan?
I was at my apartment doing a project.
- Do you have any witnesses? - I live alone.
I can stay.
I'll call the cops, and I'll tell them that I found Charles.
I was at rehearsal last night.
The cast and the director will say I was there.
All night?
The director can vouch for me.
Good God, Torrance.
Who are you to criticize me, Desiree?
Guys, let's calm down.
I say we make an anonymous phone call from a pay phone
and go on with our business.
This is for the cops.
Let 'em find Charles' body and decide for themselves.
He's right.
You make the call.
Thanks, Ryan.
Well, I have to go cover a pageant.
I can't afford to lose the fucking gig.
So, uh, Barbie will be there.
I'll tell her about Charles.
Torrance, can I get a ride?
Yeah.
I think there's a pay phone on the corner of Fifth.
Are you sure you wanna do this?
What other choice do we have?
Peter Welling for Senate.
Peter Welling for President.
I could be an astronaut if I wanna be.
I could be a race car driver.
Uh, come in.
That's-That's far enough right there.
What you got?
Just the new poll numbers.
- And how are they? - Not so hot.
That's fine, Stuart.
Don't--you don't have to come any closer.
Thought after that pro-life rally, I'd be on top.
Peter, it's April 1. We talked about the fact
that this one-year anniversary would haunt us.
I know. I just didn't realize.
It's okay. We'll just do a little spin control.
We'll do a few more visits, some town hall meetings.
There's that new pediatric wing that's opening up this week.
No. That's--no, that's fine. I'm not gonna do that.
I don't like the smell of those--
- What, hospitals? - No. The babies.
I don't like--
They got the little hands and the faces.
- Peter. - Yeah.
You're gonna have to do something.
It's your first campaign. If you don't come out on top,
it's gonna set you back for years.
Hey, Stuart, you know,
it's gonna be okay.
I'm kind of in the middle of something right now, so...
Okay.
You're doing a heck of a job.
I could be whatever I wanna be.
I could be God.
# And a whole lot richer #
# And whole lot busier #
# And that's gonna make me spit a whole lot trickier #
Hello. This is Barbie Reynolds.
Please leave a brief message, and I'll return your call.
Still no answer.
Look, don't panic yet.
If she's in the middle of an event,
she's probably not picking up.
Plus Ryan should be with her by now.
Elton, knock it off!
# You'll see I'm badder #
# Anything else doesn't matter #
# It's all about check size #
# I ain't gotta respect guys #
# They already know I'll choke 'em to death #
# By their neckties #
# On the spot, no probs, no playin' #
# I told y'all I don't freestyle no rap with no pain #
Hello. DCC Couriers. How can we help you today?
Hi. I just need to get an address.
I still can't get ahold of Peter and Barbie.
And now Ryan's not answering his phone.
Desiree, don't panic.
I'm not panicking.
Elton!
What time do you get off set?
First I need to tell you what Ryan said earlier today.
Why? What did he say at the cemetery?
He was acting strange and saying some weird things.
- He was creeping me out. - I got to call you back.
Desiree--
- What did the police say? - I called the courier service.
What, are you gonna ship Charles' body to 'em?
No. I was thinking,
the courier said it came from M. Hastings,
so there had to be an address attached, right?
So I found out what it was.
1443 Smith Street.
Yeah, but we don't know anyone who lives around here.
Yes, we do.
Ryan.
Stand right there.
Okay. Then if you can come forward.
Now let's get one with Ms. Carolina.
Miss.
All right. Miss Carolina, you can take 15 now.
I just need the young ladies.
- Ow! Whoa.
Shit. How are we supposed to find Ryan?
I'll go find him. You get to Barbie.
Excuse me. Miss Carolina?
Miss Carolina. Miss Carolina.
Miss Carolina is down the door to the right.
Just go fix it. Just fix it.
I know that. And if wanted blue toothpicks,
I would've ordered blue toothpicks.
Oh, my God. Barbie.
What? Goddamn it.
Can't I just relax before a shoot?
Oh, my God. You're okay.
Of course I'm okay. Are you acting crazy
after all the bullshit in the cemetery earlier?
- Well? - I'm sorry.
The circuit breaker's been acting up.
It seems just to be affecting your room.
We do have somebody working on it. I'm sorry.
Guess they're just gonna have to wait
for their little shoot now, aren't they?
Wait. Ryan talked to you, didn't he?
I saw him at the pageant.
And he didn't say anything about Charles,
about what we found?
I can't see shit.
I'm gonna go out there looking like Amy Winehouse.
Yes?
Me again. These just came for you.
Oh!
What a sweetie.
- Huh? - Who are they from?
Is there something in the vase?
Maybe the florist...
Oh, fuck!
Oh, my God. Okay. You okay?
I'll--I'll--I'll get you a towel.
Don't worry about it.
Oh, God.
Do you mind?
Goddamn it.
What the hell?
It's two minutes, Miss Reynolds.
What about my goddamn lights?
Oh, my God. Barbie. Oh, my God!
Oh, my God.
Oh, my...
Where's Barbie?
What?
No, no, no, no, no. She was right here.
And the--and the-- and the vase, it was--
After what happened today?
It's a sick joke.
No, no.
She was right here.
She was...
Peter...
Milan. What?
"It's...
...she'll kill us..." What?
Blaine, listen to me.
Ryan, I know what I saw.
Look, Des.
Just because of what happened to Charles,
we can't let our imaginations run wild.
We have to keep it together. Okay?
No. You sent the package to the cemetery.
- What? No, I didn't. - And you sent the roses.
Des, I didn't send anything to anybody.
Tell him, Blaine.
Look, we called the courier service, all right?
They said the package came from your address.
So fucking what? All of you know my address.
Any one of you could have sent it.
Hell, I get letters
from Peter's goddamn campaign office every day.
- And I'm a Democrat. - Shit.
- Shit. Peter. - Exactly.
Instead of your pointing fingers at each other, let's go check on Peter.
It's just your imagination.
You okay?
- Yeah. Cut!
What the hell, Chuck?
What's going on with my blood pumps?
I don't know what's wrong with it.
Fuck me.
All right, let's re-dress the set.
Can somebody get me Emily?
Torrance, why don't you go on back to your trailer?
It's gonna be a little while, all right?
- Yeah. - There you go. Okay.
Chuck, how long it's gonna take?
- 10, 15 minutes. - We got an hour!
- April Fool's. - You assholes.
Sorry, hon.
They've been getting everybody all day with that.
- What's this? - Just read it.
So what? Peter and Milan had an affair.
Is that true?
This could mean one of two things, all right?
Either Peter and Milan continued this affair
and Barbie killed her
or B, Peter killed Milan
to cover up a potential scandal.
- Then who killed Barbie? - We don't even know if Barbie's dead.
And even if she is, maybe she came forward about killing Milan
and then the killer came forward and killed Barbie.
- Wait. Wait. Wait. What? You know what?
I know what I saw.
And we all saw Charles, right?
I mean, something is not adding up.
We don't know what's going on, all right?
But the way we left Charles...
it's just not right.
I got to call the police.
I'll deal with the consequences.
I know that I didn't kill Milan.
I don't care if somebody has evidence.
The fact is, I'm innocent.
South Point Police station.
Hi. It's Blaine Cartier. I need to report a murder.
I'll direct your call to Homicide.
Homicide.
Hi. This is Blaine Cartier. I need to report a murder.
What? Blaine Cartier?
Listen, son. These pranks, they need to stop.
This is the fifth phone call I've received from you today.
If this is the real Blaine Cartier,
the next call I get from you
better be you reporting your own murder.
We're so screwed.
Excuse me. Do you know where we could find Peter Welling?
I think you just missed him, hon.
You can check his office. And if he's not there,
he's probably left for his appointment.
He parks on the basement level.
I'll go look in his office.
If he's not there, we'll check the garage.
Where is she?
Huh? I don't know. She was just right here.
Beautiful. That's just beautiful.
Peter!
Desiree, what do you want?
Peter, I need to talk to you.
Nope. Nope. I am not getting involved this time.
Peter, listen to me, damn it.
- Listen to me. - What?
- I need to talk to you. - Look.
I have to earn the voters' confidence.
- Listen to me. - I have votes to earn, okay?
- Do you understand that? - Please, you have to explain--
- My value wagon. - Peter!
Oh, no!
Peter!
Oh, Peter.
No, please, no.
Fuck!
Hello.
Where are you? I've called you like a hundred times.
I'm at Peter's office where you left me.
Peter is dead. He got ran over by his value wagon.
What?
Why are you laughing? I'm serious.
Where's the van? You following it?
I'm following it now.
Desiree, hey, look, where are you?
Tell me exactly where you're at.
Shit. Shit. I think she sees me.
What? Who sees you?
Desiree, what are you talking about? What's going on?
- Milan. - Milan?
What the hell are you talking about? Desiree.
Hey. Hello?
- Des. - Shit!
Shit!
Fuck! Fuck!
Des, you okay?
Blaine, I lost it.
Okay, look, slow down and tell me where you're at.
I'll come get you. Are you hurt?
Wait. I see it. Wait.
You see the van? Where are you?
I'm on Kellogg and Oaklawn.
- Just stay there-- - I got to go.
Oh, no.
Torrance.
Do you have a drive-on?
Yeah. I'm here to see Torrance Caldwell for Boogie Blades 2.
- Is she expecting you? - Yes. I have a drive-on. Please.
- Your name? - Desiree Cartier.
- Okay, you can go in. - Thank you.
Excuse me. Where's Torrance Caldwell's trailer?
- Fifth one down. - Here. Thanks.
Jesus!
Oh!
My God.
Oh!
You look like Milan.
Desiree, it's a wig. It's for the movie.
Listen. Peter and Barbie are dead,
and I think that the murderer's after you because I followed him here.
Look, we can't stay here.
It's not safe.
Desiree, you're not making sense.
I have to get ready for the next scene.
Jesus, I think I'm losing my mind.
I think they're dead. I saw them, and then--
You have to tell me
what Ryan said to you today at the cemetery.
I don't know.
He was so angry.
He kept on saying how we all got what we deserved
for causing Milan's death.
He was always in love with her.
There's something you need to know about Ryan,
something I should have said a long time ago.
What?
What the hell is going on?
You okay?
Yeah. Where's Ryan?
He took off in a hurry after you called.
He kept mumbling something about needing to get more information off the laptop.
Listen. I don't know what this means,
but for the past year,
I've caught him more than once watching me.
Watching you?
Yeah.
He was hiding,
and I think he was videotaping me.
I was on a date and he was outside of the restaurant.
I was at the mall and he was even in the parking garage.
What?
Okay, so he's got a fetish.
I know he's a weird guy, but just because he has an odd hobby,
that doesn't make him a murderer.
That's exactly why I didn't say anything, but now...I don't know.
I was really uncomfortable giving him a ride home.
Yeah, but who else is he spying on with that video camera?
Is he taping us?
Torrance, can you take Elton?
Yeah.
Let's go figure this out.
Do you think it was okay we left Torrance at set?
Des, she'll be fine.
She said the director was taking her home
and that there was more security
than crew members on that thing.
There's not even anyone famous in that movie, right?
Here's Ryan's apartment.
What a shithole.
I believe the term is heroin chic.
This is it.
Now what?
Bingo.
Ah, Jesus.
God.
Did someone die in here?
Ho-ly shit.
What's this?
I have no idea.
W-w-wait.
I believe we've moved beyond a hobby here.
"I have proof."
The letter that we got, it said "I have proof."
It's definitely him, all right.
Who are you calling?
911. What's your emergency?
Three people have been murdered. Put me through to Homicide.
- What's your name, sir? - Anonymous caller.
We're at the Windsor apartments at Fifth and Smith, apartment 211.
Okay. - There have been three murders.
- We believe we know the person responsi--
Hello. You've reached Ryan. I'm not around.
You know what to do.
Hi, Ryan. This is Emily from the Miss Carolina pageant.
Please call me when you get in. Thank you.
Ryan. Ryan, Ryan, hang in there, buddy.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey.
Hey, don't-- Hey, hey, Ryan.
Ryan, come on. Come on, buddy.
- Stay with me. Hey, come on. - What?
- Milan... - No, don't--
Don't you--No.
- Milan... - Oh, my God.
G--
Ryan--
Wait. Wait.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Please. Please, Ryan.
No, no, no, no, no.
Wha-What is that?
It's the knife Dad got me.
- What? - No, no.
What is going--
Des, someone's trying to set us up. We got to get out of here.
- What are you doing? - We got to get out of here.
We got to get out of here.
No.
Des, come on. Let's go. Let's go.
No.
Nah. That call was a hang-up.
Man, if this is another goddamn April Fool's joke,
I'm gonna shoot somebody in the ass.
Ah, shit, man.
I forgot my cuffs.
So? Go get 'em.
All right. I'll be right back.
Hey. You guys have a nice night.
Hey, Paul, it was not a prank. - You, too, officer.
We got a fresh one here. The perp must have left recently.
Hello.
Torrance, it's not Ryan. He's dead.
Whoever's doing this is still out there.
- Desiree, slow down. - The killer.
The killer is still out there. You're not safe.
Listen. Are you still with your director friend?
No. He's having rehearsal with one of the child actors.
Okay, well, you're not safe alone,
so just come over as soon as you can.
We'll be safer together, okay?
- How do I know that? - What?
Desiree, I'm sorry, but you are the common denominator on all these murders.
What? How could you say that?
You were there at every murder.
How do I know that you're not the one doing this?
Torrance, that's insane.
Just--Just come over as soon as you can.
Sorry, Des. I think I'll take my chances.
What?
What'd she say?
She's--
She said she's not coming over.
Fuck her.
Wilford!
I'm gonna check upstairs.
Blaine?
Desiree.
Des-i-ree.
Des-i-ree,
I'm gonna find you.
Des, help me!
Blaine?
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Who did this? Who did this?
Behind you.
I did.
Drop the knife, Desiree.
Torrance, listen to me. Neither one of us killed Milan, okay?
You're lying, Blaine.
He's not lying. Just--just put down the gun,
and we'll--and we'll sort everything out, okay?
I have a better idea.
Charles is dead.
Barbie and Peter are dead.
So is poor Ryan.
And then there were three.
And all you had to do was admit
that you killed Milan,
and all of this could have been avoided.
It was an accident.
None of us killed her. It was a stupid prank.
A stupid prank, huh?
So what, it was a coincidence
that the drug Des slipped Milan
has caused her seizure?
No way.
It's not true.
Rather than coming forward,
you've chosen to let your friends die,
one by one.
Well,
here's your last chance.
It was an accident, Torrance.
I don't know what else to tell you. Just please.
Ahh. Ahh!
Fuck.
Everybody said you were heartless,
but I defended you for the past year.
I was a fool.
People like you should be removed from society.
You're a menace.
A menace?
You killed five people!
Those people ruined my debut!
My ball!
A so-called party you threw for me
was just a front for your stupid prank.
You used me.
It's time for you to go.
Good-bye, Desiree.
Wait!
Wait. I killed Milan. I did it. I did it.
It was you.
I gave her the roofie.
But I didn't mean for her to die. I--
I was just trying to get back at Blaine
for lording the inheritance over me all this time,
and I thought that--
I thought if he got in trouble--
I thought if he got caught for roofie-ing Milan that--
I just--
I didn't know she would react that way.
I didn't know she would fall.
I didn't mean for anyone to get involved.
But you said nothing.
You let us go through the ringer,
the court hearings, the press.
We were innocent.
Innocent?
By innocent, you mean Charles,
the social-climbing fag who built a small empire
by exploiting Milan's death?
Or how about Peter?
The so-called politician who didn't have enough smarts
to keep his dick in his pants.
Maybe Barbie who'd rather send death threats to Milan
than take on marital issues with her husband.
Nobody, nobody was happier to see her dead than them.
And let's not forget about that obsessive creep Ryan
who'd rather see Milan in a box than with anybody else.
And Blaine,
Blaine didn't care about anybody.
He didn't even think twice
about participating in my little stunt,
and he paid dearly.
You're a horrible person.
I may have accidentally killed her,
but it takes a naive person like yourself
to call those people innocent.
I don't deserve to die any more than they did.
You finished?
What?
Boo.
April Fool's, bitch.
Oh, this will be great
for my fag social-climbing website.
Hello, Desiree.
- Did you get all that? - Sounds pretty conclusive to me.
You remember Mr. Ellsworth, right?
He represented me after you killed Milan
and let me take the fall?
Oh, my God.
I'm so happy you guys are alive.
Look at her face. That look is priceless.
Wow. That--That was really good, you guys.
Wow. You got me.
Give it a rest, Desiree.
I think you've shown your true colors.
What?
We all knew you had more to do with Milan's death,
but like the investigators,
we didn't have strong enough evidence.
We were tired of having our reputations in jeopardy
as long as Milan's death was still a mystery.
So after weeks of planning,
I enlisted the help of my friends
to try and provoke a confession out of you.
It worked.
Wilford?
Why?
Because you were always such an insufferable bitch.
Ryan orchestrated most of it.
It was his idea to dress up Torrance
and have her haunt you as Milan.
Hell of a job, brother.
Creating the illusion was no small task.
We had to figure out a way that would lead you from one place to the next.
Find Charles,
Peter and Milan's supposed affair,
Ryan's weird obsession.
Well, you get the idea.
It's all over now, Desiree.
The prankster has become the pranked.
April Fool's.
Wha--
But the poli-- The police are after us.
Nah. Actors from Torrance's movie.
We got them for scale.
But I saw all of you die with my own eyes. I saw it.
Got the FX guy from my movie to help us with that.
What?
Did a pretty good job, huh?
Ha! Squibs.
Ahh!
The gun--
They're blanks, Desiree.
See?
Oh, my.
Oh, God! - What have you done?
I didn't do that. I just did what you told me to do.
I didn't tell you to blow her fucking head off.
What the hell happened?
I don't know. I guess somebody tampered with the gun.
Oh, God.
You--You planned this, didn't you?
Are you fucking nuts?
I could've just as easily caught this bullet.
How could I have known, huh?
Oh, God.
Your Honor, I fully acknowledge
and take responsibility for the danger
in which I've put my family and friends.
But I categorically deny any allegations of doing so
with the intention of killing anyone.
Thank you.
Torrance Caldwell,
you are hereby acquitted of all charges
in the death of Desiree Cartier.
Citing the cause of death of the primary beneficiary,
I hereby name Blaine Cartier
executor and sole beneficiary of the family trust.
Mr. Cartier will not be answering
any questions at this time.
While my client is deeply grateful
for regaining control of the Cartier estate,
he would throw it all away if it meant having his sister back.
# I hear noises and screams from the outside #
# I've never seen them, the dumb things they can't hide #
# Do you #
# Remember the sound when they weren't there? #
# The sound of silence that's not there #
For you regular viewers,
you may remember Catastrophe in the Carolinas.
We covered it about a year ago.
Basically, a bunch of trust-fund babies
got away with murder
when their so-called April Fool's Day prank
resulted in the death of an innocent altruist.
Well, folks, justice has been served.
Joining me now live via satellite
is Charles Lansford.
He is the host of the new show,
"Charles' Celebrity Corner."
Hello, Susan.
Hello, Charles. So good to have you with us.
The last time we talked, we were speaking
about the death of Milan Hastings.
Now, here we are a year later
talking about yet another death--
this time the woman responsible
for Miss Hastings' untimely demise,
Desiree Cartier.
That's right, Susan.
After there was no justice in the Hastings death,
I knew I had to do something.
So I did a little of my own investigating,
and I suspected that the late Desiree Cartier
was more involved than she originally let on.
So why another prank?
Well, Desiree was never the type
to own up to any sort of wrongdoing.
I could have told you that point-blank.
In fact, we were summering once in the Cape--
Or was it Mattapoisett?
Well, I can't remember, Susan.
What was my point?
So you got her to confess this time.
Yes.
But she died.
Yes.
Whereas I'm glad
that the nonsense surrounding the Hastings death
has finally come to light,
but at the same time, I'm also heartbroken
that an accident has taken Miss Cartier's life.
So she was accidentally shot.
Yes.
I am 100 percent, absolutely positive,
that it was an accident.
How is her brother holding up?
From what I understand,
he gains to inherit the entire Cartier estate.
Well, Blaine and I have been friends for many years.
And believe me when I tell you,
no amount of money is ever gonna wash away the pain
he is feeling right now.
He, as we all are, are deeply disturbed
by his sister's malicious acts,
but it is still his sister.
Well, Charles, why don't you tell our viewers now
about your new show?
Absolutely, Susan.
The first two episodes got rave reviews.
We do everything from celebrity sightings
to who's hot, who's not, who's going up,
who's going down, and who's going in, and who's going out.
Chit-chat with Charles.
# I started making my way towards downtown #
# Past cathedrals and shops that are torn down #
# Can't you #
# Remember the faces that aren't there? #
# Familiar faces that aren't there now #
# My fallen son #
# The war's begun #
# I never thought that there'd be anyone after me #
# Changing time #
# Senseless crime #
# I never thought that there'd be anyone after #